Tuesday, August 14, 2007

eff

Folks, I've sorta gotta out of control lately. In all the areas where I'd made such good progress over the past few months, and then it all started gradually unraveling, and just...kept unraveling. I've been eating for shit, not exercising, not cooking, smoking, and letting my apartment get disgusting again. Why?

I'm not sure. I know that this is all a gradual process, but I realized that I was in trouble yesterday when I daydreamed about putting a recipe on here and pretending like I made it. And, then I got the final kick-in-the-teeth when I got on the scale this morning. 217. Remember when I was down to 205? What the hell?

Dammit.

I'm not sure how I lost focus, but I remember the exact moment that it started happening. I just decided one day that I wanted some brownies. So I made them. And, then I just kept gradually slackening the rules about everything until here I am.

Eff.

Okay. Please help keep me honest. It's hard to do it, and it's hard to stay honest. When you've made a big freakin' deal (and started a blog) about doing well, it's hard to say that you're not, and it's hard to keep up the momentum. So, yeah. Don't take me up on it when I suggest java fried rice and ben-n-jerry's and the like. Ugh.

Phew.

Okay, I'm taking a deep breath, and resolving to try to do better. No, strike the try, will do better.

Okay, first step. Quit smoking again. I have seven cigarettes left. When they are done, so am I.

Wish me luck.

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7 comments:

Anonymous said...

you need to put on one of your pretty headbands and get yer ass on the bicycle. you can take pictures of different things you see along the way and then add them to your blog. how cool does that sound? way cool; that's how cool.

exercise is a wonder drug for treating the desire to eat junk. and why not take advantage of this glorious weather before the you-know-what comes: SNOW!

you can do it, love! make it fun!

Ashley said...

Everyone backslides when they're trying to go forward. Don't be too hard on yourself . . . but pick up the pieces and move forward. Try to remember how good you feel about yourself when you're doing well. You can do this. I KNOW you can do this. You're Ehrrin effing K. You rock.

Anonymous said...

I feel some pool-er-cize coming on. Woot.

-edawg

nowlzie said...

lil e, ashley is right: a couple of steps back are ok; the key is continuing to move forward in spite of them. don't let 'em bring you down.

love you so!

A said...

Sometimes it's really hard to try and change everything at once. Even when we're super impatient to have everything be different!

Anyway, I am impressed with your honesty and I think you've got good friends who want to help you get where you're going. So no shame in your game!

Karen said...

I will take long walks with you and smack your fingers if you try to smoke.

Anonymous said...

ekg- i'm sorry you're feeling down and out of control. have you tried writing/signing a contract to yourself? that really helps restart the commitment. also, sometimes it's easy to 'stuff' our real emotions with food, etc. but, be gentle with yourself. noone's perfect. i always have a hard time sticking to the program.. but, it's rewarding and remember that. also, do you have a buddy to exercise with?? that could jump start you again. hang in there. your blog rules! xo