be back later...gone slackin'

Happy new year, aught-8!

Sorry for the media black-out, dear friends. I have lots to say (I've been keeping a list of possible blog topics), but so little time. But, I miss you. Wait, no, not you, YOU. Yes, you.

I hope you all had a rockin' new year. I did, and I have pictures to prove it. I've cooked a little here and there, and hope to clean up my act (or at least my grody apartment) a little this weekend, and then there should be more cookin' soon.

Unfortunately, this is gonna be a short one, too. Unfortunately, I've been busy. But, fortunately....fortunately...I finally got my gawdang car last night! It didn't seem like it was ever going to happen, but I actually drove it last night. And, again this morning. And, it doesn't have an ashtray. Which is maybe a sign from the babyjesus that I need to keep my resolution from last year, and quit (again).

Actually, there are a lot of resolutions that were met, surpassed, and then revoked from last year. I started out so strong, and got a little lost (er, depressed) along the way, and backslid something fierce. I want to recommit. I'm scared, but I want to recommit. I've been thinking a lot about the whens and hows and such. I think I need to be a little more moderate than last year. It was fantastic, but ultimately not sustainable for me. And, then when I faltered, I just imploded. Maybe moderation would help. The only glitch is that I'm not a very moderate person. I like extremes. They're the fun part, right?

But, I'm gonna try. Baby steps.

never mind. there are no such things as happy days.

EFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF!!!!

Well, I didn't get the car. The credit union had misunderstood something about the guy's situation (he still owes on the car, so we have to do a buy-out), so didn't make the checks correctly, yada, yada, yada...I can still get the car, but it's going to take two weeks (and maybe even longer because of the holidays. bah humbug). I just started crying in the AAA. It didn't help that I'd gotten dropped off there by a coworker, and was stranded a long way from home and suffering keen disappointment and frustration.

Luckily Mags was working with a client in Monroeville, and able to come rescue me. And, she's also helping me get home (to West Virginia) for the holidays, too. I'm going to ride with her to Morgantown, then my step-dad will pick me up there, and take me the rest of the way (and do the same for the return). So, I guess it's not the end of the world, but when I was standing in the Monroeville AAA last night, it sure felt like it. Buying a car with little money, not-great credit and a lack of experience with the accompanying bureacracy is challenging. So much so that I was ready to abandon the idea of buying a car, and just throwing myself in front of one instead.

I hate the lack of autonomy when you don't have a car. I feel like a jerk asking for rides all the time, and feel trapped when I need to get somewhere and it's going to take hours on the bus. Pittsburgh's bus system? Not so great. Especially now that they've effed up their website with some stupid ad that obscures the area where you search for schedules (which is already a very poor tool indeed). (If you need to use the "tool", you can turn off the images, and get to the fields beneath. But, what a pain in the ass in using an already very cruddy site). PAT, I hate you and you can suck it.

I am sad. Sometimes life feels really hard. I know that I sound like an idiot and a whiner. I know that there are billions of people out there in way worse shape than I am. I know that I am fortunate in a myriad of ways. But, sometimes I just feel very alone and very ill-equipped for life. Of course, I'm also mid-period and mid-winter, which always help to bring on the ol' woe-is-me complex.

Blah.

happy days are here again!

I'm still holding my breath and refraining from counting chickens until I'm actually driving away, which should happening in mere hours, but...I got a car!!

(this isn't the actual one, but it looks like this)


I'm so, so, so (cautiously) happy!

The process of shopping and buying a car is not pleasant at all (a serious understatement), but I've learned a lot.

Also, fyi, blue cars are chosen by the more introspective, reflective and cautious driver. Just sayin'.

Also, I am in love with my little XO laptop! And, everyone I've shown it to is in love, too. The nerds at my office almost staged a riot at my desk vying for their turn at playing with it. And, as a result of showing it off (both here and other places), several peeps are going to make the donation and get one for their only selves!

And, I feel better than I've felt in a week! I've still got the disturbing cough, but I'm feeling pretty okay.

Heck, at this rate, I might even get my kitchen cleaned up this week and do some cooking!

Last night the "Queers: They're What's For Dinner!" monthly dinner that I organize for the queer ladies in da 'Burgh. We have it at the Gypsy Cafe, and it's always delicious and a good time. If you want to get in on the fun for next month, email me and I'll get you hooked up with the deets.

In other news, I'm kinda obsessed with Buffy. I wasn't sure about it at first, but now I can't stop thinking about it. I should have a netflix when I get home. That's how I'm going to celebrate the new wheels. With Buffy. Now, I'm not obsessed to the point I was with Queer As Folk, and it hasn't made me want to do it to ridiculously hot gay men, but still. It's a good time.

back in action!

Woah. It's been some week. Delirious highs, staggering lows. And, I'm serious about the delirium. I was dog-sick all week. I was off Thursday all day from work, and took off early Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday. Phew! I'm still coughy and a bit tired, but I'm starting to be able to breathe through my nose and move around without getting dizzy and sweaty again. That is progress.

Also, I went car-shopping again today, and I'm cautiously optimistic that I may've found a car. I'll give details when/if it actually materializes. But, today I looked at cars being sold by individuals instead of dealers, and it couldn't have been a more different experience than the one I had last weekend. These people were nice, helpful and genuine. What a refreshing change!

And, then I came back home to find a box sitting on my steps. It was from my friend Alex, and contained one of these:


If you don't know what that is, it's an XO laptop. You've probably heard something about this program over the past couple of years on NPR, the news, and the like. The mission of One Laptop per Child (OLPC) is to give children in the developing world laptops to give them educational opportunities they may never otherwise have. A quote from their site is "to help make education for the world’s children a priority, not a privilege." It's pretty amazing. And, they're currently running a promotion that if you donate the XO laptop, then you can also receive one for "the child in your life". I am the child in Alex's life. And, I'm so, so grateful that I am! This little machine is totally amazing. Alex is totally amazing. She's at it again, being generous and doing good deeds, all the way from Poland. (Annnnd, after some, uh, to-be-unnamed slacker never got a care package in the mail to her. d'oh.) You can find out more about this amazing organization, including donation information, here.

So, yeah. It's been an action-packed week. I also paid a visit to Hoi Polloi a couple days ago, paid up from the dine-n-dash incident (my not-so-secret shame), got some delicious cream-of-mushroom soup, a grilled cheese and some hot tea. And, some fantastic service from Hoi Polloi fella, Daniel.

And, the queer book club had our holiday meeting and gifty book exchange meet-up extravaganza this week, too. We'd read Kate Bornstein's Gender Outlaw, and had a great discussion (seriously, the best/most literary book club I've ever been involved with), exchanged our book-gifts, and picked our next selection--Claire Messud's The Emperor's Children. It sounds like a good one. (If you're interested in joining the book club, send me an email and/or post a comment with how to email you).

Peeps, life is good. Sometimes I forget that, and often I lose focus, but I do believe it. I'm lucky to have wonderful friends, a fantastic family, a good job, and now all the little things are starting to fall into place. I'm looking over the last year, and see that I made some significant progress, had some setbacks, learned a lot and am grateful for it all. Sometimes I get to feeling really low and small and frustrated and embarassed at feeling that I've fallen behind my peers in this ol' game of life. But, it's all interesting, it's all, ultimately, good. And, I'm trying, really trying, to opt for personal growth as I can. I want to recommit to the commitment I made to myself at the start of 2007. I'll post more about this soon. I'm still pondering. But, the overall feeling is that, indeed, life is good.