smooth sailin'

I had this fantasy that after I gave notice at my current job that it'd be all smooth sailin', and that I'd just be taking long lunches including cocktails and lots of laughter every day, then I'd come back and take my afternoon nap. I'd make my rounds chatting with all my work-pals and reminiscing over old times. I'd probably come in late and leave early. There would probably be lots of gifts and balloons and cake, especially cake. Homemade, even.

But, you know what? It is nothing of the sort! They are working my little fingers to nubs trying to squeeze out all they can from me while I'm still here, and additionally, I'm training my replacement which takes up a couple hours each day, which in turn makes me busier the rest of the day. What the bleep?!

I guess the upside of this is knowing how much I'm Truly Needed and such. (Bah, humbug to that!)

But, anyway.

The weekend was fab. Friday I got to meet up with my old therapist (whom I *adore*) for a drink after work. She was in town for just a few days, so I was really touched that she made a point to see me. I wish I could keep her forever and ever.

Then I just laid low the rest of Friday, and hung out with my gal for a bit when she stopped by after work. I made us tofu sandwiches (that I forgot to photograph; a theme this weekend, I'm afraid). But, it was whole wheat toast, fresh baby spinach, grilled onions, mayo, mustard, and some tofu that I sliced thinly, and grilled in a hot pan with a generous couple squirts of Bragg's liquid aminos. Yumtastic. I think I'm going to make that again for dinner tonight...

Saturday I hit the Strip in the morning for my (near weekly) dose of Cafe Richard's fabulously fluffy and delicious quiche. I asked what the veggie quiche of the day was, and the fella said "salmon and goat cheese". heh. But I went with the other vegetarian selection--wild mushroom and onion. Not quite as amazing as last week's wild mushroom and spinach one, but close. And, I got some mini tarts--coconut and lemon, and some big beautiful butter croissants.

I ate the quiche right away, but tucked the croissants into a bag with some water for my road trip with Barbara--all the way down to Canonsburg! We were looking at antique toys and general kitsch. After poking around in nostalgia for a few hours we'd worked up an appetite and wanted to quench it old-school style. So, we searched for a diner, but the closest we came was King's. We ate some food that was too 'eh' to recount here, but a good time was had nonetheless.

That evening we hit Operation Sappho to both Break It Down and Shake It-Shake It on the dance floor. Right before we headed out they played "PYT"!

Sunday morning we hit up the Square Cafe for brunch, then did a couple hours of babysitting for her adorable niece, then kicked it at my house for Sunday dinner and an L-Word marathon. I made a quorn roast, fingerling potatoes with butter and parsley and some steamed asparagus. It was a little boring, but tasty and totally homestyle. Of course, I again forgot to photograph it.

But, here's a little picture of the K-Bear and Mama (pronounced with a European inflection) kickin' it, for your viewing enjoyment:

p.s. big news

I can't believe I forgot to write about this in my earlier post. It's big news.

I had my last therapy appointment last night! I was discharged for being suitably sane enough to make my way in the world!

Actually, this came about because my therapist is moving to Portland. When she told me a couple months ago, we both decided that I'm ready to be discharged. So, we talked about lots of stuff, and about strategies for coping in various situations that may/will come up in the future. She's fantastic. The best therapist I've ever seen.

I started seeing her last year after my dad died and I was really depressed and struggling with anger at my mom, huge regrets, hating myself, issues with food, and all sorts of other ugliness. But, since November I've made some pretty remarkable progress, if I do say so myself, and much of it is due to my therapist being so freaking awesome.

I hate that seeking professional help for emotional problems still has so much negative stigma associated with it, and that people are scared, for a host of different reasons, to seek out help. So, if you've thought about entering therapy but are scared or unsure of what to expect, I'd be happy to talk with you about my experience with it. I'm not saying it's easy. It isn't. It's hard work, and there were many times that I did not want to go to my appointments, but I was always glad I did.

I was telling her last night about the analogy that I like to think about when I'm trying to do the right thing and grow as a person and it hurts. It's like when you're a kid and get growing pains. The pain is breathtaking at times, and it sucks in the moment, but ultimately it's a wonderful thing that you're growing and changing, and it makes the pain worthwhile. I think it works the same way mentally. Growth hurts. But, it's good.

I think it's time to dust off my personal mantra: opting for personal growth. Because it is a choice. It's a choice that each of us makes every day, multiple times a day. We often choose to stick with what's comfortable--whether it be right or wrong or whether it hurts us in the long run--because the unknown is scary. But, if I preface every choice I make--even the small ones--by asking myself, honestly, if I'm opting for personal growth, it makes the path a bit clearer.

Thank you, Lynn, for being an incredible listener, guide, mentor and friend!