trying and failing

Okay, so it's January again. Last January I made the whole commitment to the HealthQuest 2007, lost 40 pounds, quit smoking, quit biting my fingernails, eliminated processed foods (for the most part), quit drinking Coke-in-a-can, started exercising, cleaned up my apartment, started getting my finances in order.

And, now? Well, some backsliding occurred on all fronts, friends. I've gained back 29 pounds (ouch, it hurts to type that), re-started smoking, my fingertips look like miniature bald-headed men, have been eating for shit and drinking Coke-in-a-can with abandon (damn the spicy and delicious dark waters of capitalism!), am a lazy ass, and have a cluttered apartment.

But, on the bright side, the finances are in slightly better shape and I have a new car. And, I'm a much better cook.

So, back to the drawing board. But, I'm thinking that maybe I should be a little more moderate in my approach instead of tackling everything at once. But, I'm having a hard time getting started. I obviously know what I need to do, so why aren't I doing it?

I think I'm mildly depressed right now, and when I think back to when everything started going to hell, I think it was around the same time as my awesome therapist split town for the wild, wild west.

So, step 1, find a new therapist that is hopefully 1/10th as awesome as my old one.

Blah. It's embarrassing to admit all this stuff, and I feel like a failure. Yuck. I hope you're all doing better than I am.

Okay, enough of that.

There's a movie coming to the Pittsburgh Filmmakers next week that sounds awesome and Pollan-esque. Here's the scoop:

King Corn
This is the entertaining, intelligent story of two friends, one acre of corn, and the subsidized crop that drives our fast-food nation. In this we-are-what-we-eat documentary we follow best friends from college on the east coast, as they move west to learn where food comes from. With the help of friendly neighbors, genetically modified seeds, and powerful herbicides, they plant and grow a bumper crop of America's most-productive, most-subsidized grain on one acre of Iowa soil. But when they try to follow their pile of corn into the food system, what they find raises troubling questions about how we eat, and how we farm. (Aaron Woolf; USA; 2007; 88 min)

All tickets for Thursday 5:30 shows at the Harris are just $5, thanks to 1410 KQV-AM.

Mon 1/14 thru Wed 1/16 – 7:30 ... Thu 1/17 –5:30, 7:30
Harris Theater
809 Liberty Ave, Downtown / 412-682-4111

And, speaking of Michael Pollan, his new book is out, In Defense of Food. I'm waiting with bated breath to get my copy from the library. [Oh, squee! Just checked the library site, and it's in! I'll pick it up tomorrow over lunch!]. Reading The Omnivore's Dilemma last year was a big part of motivating me to eat better; I'm hoping the new one will help me get back on track.

better (sorta).

Okay. Back from the depths of despair.

The last couple weeks, er months, have been tough. I've been pretty depressed, and just sorta let everything go--the healthquest, my apartment, etc. Sometimes I have bouts of depression that just sort of take over my life for a while, and this has been one of those times. I even had a panic attack last week (or week before?), that totally freaked me out. So, I took off work on Thursday and Friday, and just stewed in my shit, slept, watched bad movies, avoided interaction. Saturday and Sunday I still hibernated, but did a huge cleaning of my apartment. It's not perfect, but now I wouldn't be horrified if someone stopped by. That feels good.

I'm always so embarrassed to tell anyone about feeling bad. Even though every other commercial on television is for some antidepressant, and everybody and her brother has a therapist, there's still a stigma. And, it's not really acceptable to call off work for mental illness, so then you have to lie and pretend you have the flu or whatever. Blah. Anyway. The fog seems like it may start lifting. Baby steps, right?

But, since I haven't checked in with you peeps for a while, I have done some cooking. E-dawg stopped by Zeke's house for dinner last Wednesday (it was his birthday!). I just made some pasta with marinara (I must confess, I used a jar of tomato sauce from WF, that I doctored up with some sauteed garlic and onions and spices), some roasted green beans, some crispy mushrooms and some baguette toast with brie. Tasty.


This weekend I had a huge craving for veggie reubens. Kramer and I were planning our reuben-off-slash-potluck this weekend, but then she, Mags and I just weren't feeling up to a party, so we called it off. But, my stomach was having none of that. So, I stocked up on supplies to make a master version of the reuben, fusing the Kramer/Keenan styles into The Best Veggie Reuben On Earth.

The fixin's:


The goods:


That's rye bread, Minerva swiss lace cheese (oh my god, this is good; got it at the co-op), fakin' bacon, sauteed green peppers and onions (I like to use mushrooms, too, but didn't have any on hand), sauerkraut and russian dressing. That is some good comfort food.

And, my favorite veggie is now officially in season! I stopped by the farmers market on Friday, and was delighted to find brussels sprouts! They are the pinnacle of the intersection between adorable and delicious.

First, I trimmed them, made a little X in the bottom, and put them in boiling water for about three minutes (then a plunge into some ice water after and drained), then sliced them in half, and roasted them in the oven at 375 for about 25 minutes (stirring twice) with a little olive oil and sea salt, then grated some parmesan cheese over them when they came out of the oven. And, while I was doing that, I roasted some potatoes (the "confetti" baby potatoes from Trader Joe's with yellow, redskin and purple babies) with some parsley, olive oil, salt and pepper.

before (the sprouts had been boiled, but not baked at this point):


after:


It was a comfort food bonanza. In fact, I even had grilled cheese with Campbell's tomato soup yesterday.


Tonight is the "Queers: They're What's For Dinner!" dinner at the Gypsy Cafe. They always have tasty grub.

In other news, one of my bestest friends, Dan, is visiting this week from LA. I could definitely use the pick-me-up. He is one hilarious mofo. Good times. (and, thank goodness my apartment is clean-ish!)