Wednesday, December 19, 2007

never mind. there are no such things as happy days.


Well, I didn't get the car. The credit union had misunderstood something about the guy's situation (he still owes on the car, so we have to do a buy-out), so didn't make the checks correctly, yada, yada, yada...I can still get the car, but it's going to take two weeks (and maybe even longer because of the holidays. bah humbug). I just started crying in the AAA. It didn't help that I'd gotten dropped off there by a coworker, and was stranded a long way from home and suffering keen disappointment and frustration.

Luckily Mags was working with a client in Monroeville, and able to come rescue me. And, she's also helping me get home (to West Virginia) for the holidays, too. I'm going to ride with her to Morgantown, then my step-dad will pick me up there, and take me the rest of the way (and do the same for the return). So, I guess it's not the end of the world, but when I was standing in the Monroeville AAA last night, it sure felt like it. Buying a car with little money, not-great credit and a lack of experience with the accompanying bureacracy is challenging. So much so that I was ready to abandon the idea of buying a car, and just throwing myself in front of one instead.

I hate the lack of autonomy when you don't have a car. I feel like a jerk asking for rides all the time, and feel trapped when I need to get somewhere and it's going to take hours on the bus. Pittsburgh's bus system? Not so great. Especially now that they've effed up their website with some stupid ad that obscures the area where you search for schedules (which is already a very poor tool indeed). (If you need to use the "tool", you can turn off the images, and get to the fields beneath. But, what a pain in the ass in using an already very cruddy site). PAT, I hate you and you can suck it.

I am sad. Sometimes life feels really hard. I know that I sound like an idiot and a whiner. I know that there are billions of people out there in way worse shape than I am. I know that I am fortunate in a myriad of ways. But, sometimes I just feel very alone and very ill-equipped for life. Of course, I'm also mid-period and mid-winter, which always help to bring on the ol' woe-is-me complex.


1 comment:

Jess said...

keep your head up boo...
the universe knows you, and it knows what's right for you