trying and failing

Okay, so it's January again. Last January I made the whole commitment to the HealthQuest 2007, lost 40 pounds, quit smoking, quit biting my fingernails, eliminated processed foods (for the most part), quit drinking Coke-in-a-can, started exercising, cleaned up my apartment, started getting my finances in order.

And, now? Well, some backsliding occurred on all fronts, friends. I've gained back 29 pounds (ouch, it hurts to type that), re-started smoking, my fingertips look like miniature bald-headed men, have been eating for shit and drinking Coke-in-a-can with abandon (damn the spicy and delicious dark waters of capitalism!), am a lazy ass, and have a cluttered apartment.

But, on the bright side, the finances are in slightly better shape and I have a new car. And, I'm a much better cook.

So, back to the drawing board. But, I'm thinking that maybe I should be a little more moderate in my approach instead of tackling everything at once. But, I'm having a hard time getting started. I obviously know what I need to do, so why aren't I doing it?

I think I'm mildly depressed right now, and when I think back to when everything started going to hell, I think it was around the same time as my awesome therapist split town for the wild, wild west.

So, step 1, find a new therapist that is hopefully 1/10th as awesome as my old one.

Blah. It's embarrassing to admit all this stuff, and I feel like a failure. Yuck. I hope you're all doing better than I am.

Okay, enough of that.

There's a movie coming to the Pittsburgh Filmmakers next week that sounds awesome and Pollan-esque. Here's the scoop:

King Corn
This is the entertaining, intelligent story of two friends, one acre of corn, and the subsidized crop that drives our fast-food nation. In this we-are-what-we-eat documentary we follow best friends from college on the east coast, as they move west to learn where food comes from. With the help of friendly neighbors, genetically modified seeds, and powerful herbicides, they plant and grow a bumper crop of America's most-productive, most-subsidized grain on one acre of Iowa soil. But when they try to follow their pile of corn into the food system, what they find raises troubling questions about how we eat, and how we farm. (Aaron Woolf; USA; 2007; 88 min)

All tickets for Thursday 5:30 shows at the Harris are just $5, thanks to 1410 KQV-AM.

Mon 1/14 thru Wed 1/16 – 7:30 ... Thu 1/17 –5:30, 7:30
Harris Theater
809 Liberty Ave, Downtown / 412-682-4111

And, speaking of Michael Pollan, his new book is out, In Defense of Food. I'm waiting with bated breath to get my copy from the library. [Oh, squee! Just checked the library site, and it's in! I'll pick it up tomorrow over lunch!]. Reading The Omnivore's Dilemma last year was a big part of motivating me to eat better; I'm hoping the new one will help me get back on track.

Have you read "Conscious Loving" ?

Actually, I don't even know what "Conscious Loving" is. I mean, yeah, it's obviously a book, but I don't know anything about it. I just read Craigslist this morning, and this was the title of a post in the "strictly platonic" section, and for some unknown reason it keeps running through my head. Maybe that's a sign from the babyjesus that I should read "Conscious Loving". Lemme look it up on amazon...

Book Description
Here is a powerful new program that can clear away the unconscious agreements patterns that undermine even your best intentions. Through their own marriage and through twenty years' experience counseling more than one thousand couples, therapists Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks have developed precise strategies to help you create a vital partnership and enhance the energy, creativity, and happiness of each individual. You will learn how to: Let go of power struggles and need for control; Balance needs for closeness and separateness; Increase intimacy by telling the "microscopic truth"; Communicate in a positive way that stops arguments; Make agreements you can keep; Allow more pleasure into your life. Addressed to individuals as well as to couples, Conscious Loving will heal old hurts and deepen your capacity for enjoyment, security, and enduring love.

Hmm...I'm not so much on the self-help, but if the babyjesus thinks so...um, okay. Still no. When I think about all the books out in the world, and how little time I have to read them I fall into the depths of despair.

I'm reading The Botany of Desire by Michael Pollan right now for "classic" book club. It's so good. He's a genius. For reals.

In other news, SPELL was freakin' awesome last night! Richard was a hit (even though a woman said my chest hair looked "gruesome"! ha!), and I networked, chatted up some peeps, saw some amazing costumes, shook my groove thing and...met RuPaul! Super-fun.

But, then I couldn't fall asleep last night, and so only got a couple hours of sleep. I'm dyin', peeps! I don't function well without at least six hours under the ol' belt. I'm a mess. I've got a headache, my neck and shoulders are all balled up, I'm gassy (could or could not be related; don't worry about it), and--obviously--whiny. All I want is to head over to Shadyside, cuddle up with Emmett, and fall asleep for 3-4 hours. Is that so wrong?

Speaking of Emmett, I really don't think I'm going to be able to give him up tomorrow. I need him. He completes me. So, anyone have any dognapping tips?

fitness by force

Yeah, that's how I roll. Not like forcing peeps into fitness, but requiring force for myself. Why can't you get healthy by hanging out eating crullers and smoking cigarettes and drinking coffee and getting your sporting in with a hotly contested game of Scrabble? Whyyyyyy?

Okay. I did this before. I was on a roll. Maybe even On Fire. I can do it again. Right? Right!

Kramer has bullied me into starting up morning walks again. We used to do them last winter/spring every weekday morning through Allegheny Cemetery. We started again this morning, but it was a short one--largely because I forgot to set my alarm an hour earlier. But, it wasn't horrible. I mean, I was sorta cursing her name while we did it, but then it was fine. We just did a mile this morning, but I think we used to do three. She read on the internets that we should walk for an hour five days a week. And, she made me plan a biking outing for next weekend, too. (don't point out to her that she's just helping me Kick Her Ass at the weight-off off).

But, as much as I want to raise my tiny fists to heaven and bellow out: I HATE YOU, JEN KRAMER!, I realize that this is the kick in the pants that I really needed. It's tough stuff. So, thanks, Kramer. How have you all dealt with set-backs and forcing yourselves back on track?

In other news, I attended the Classic Book Club meeting last night, and a good time was had by all! Have I mentioned how much I love book clubs? They are the apex of hanging, reading, talking, snacking, drinking and nerding out that I aspire to every day. We'd read a rather silly, much-too-young-for-us book, and so there wasn't a whole lot of discussion about it, but I think that the next book sounds pretty interesting: The Female Brain by Louann Brizendine, M.D. Judging by the impassioned and lengthy comment reviews by amazon customers I imagine it's going to be great fodder for discussion. Right on.

Apart from the reading, we got down to some eating. I made a salad with the white beans I cooked yesterday and a bunch of veggies from this week's CSA. It was pretty. See?

But, I over-mixed it, aesthetically speaking. I kept thinking to myself, "If Heidi made this, she would've mixed in the dressing with the beans first, and then just gently folded in everything else so it was beautiful and lightly flecked with purple, orange and green. But, I sir, am no Heidi Swanson. WWHSD? Ah well. Next time I'll try to keep the pretty in mind. I mean, it was still pretty 'cause of the colors, but still.

Here's what I did:

CSA Salad

white beans, cooked, rinsed and drained
green beans
tomatoes (I used red, yellow, red cherry and green zebra), cut into chunks
purple cabbage (I grated half of a small head)
carrot (I grated one large-ish carrot)
green onion (the ones I got were HUGE, so I just used one, but probably could have used another), thinly sliced--white and greens
sea salt & freshly ground black pepper, to taste
some grated and/or shaved parmesan for topping (I used both)
several basil leaves torn into small pieces or julienned for topping

pesto:
big bunch of basil
pine nuts (about 1/4 to 1/3 cup)
garlic (used 1 clove)
olive oil (about 1/2 c)
parmesan (grated, about 1/4 cup)
sea salt & freshly ground black pepper

I didn't really measure anything. Just kinda tossed it together until it looked like enough of each thing.

I soaked the white beans overnight, and then cooked them for about 40-ish minutes with a piece of kombu (helps make the beans more digestible). While the beans were cooking, I cleaned the green beans and steamed them in a mesh colander in the pot where the white beans were cooking (one less dirty dish!) for a couple minutes, then shocked them in some ice water so they'd retain their bright green loveliness.
Made up the pesto in my handy dandy chef's chopper (mini food processor), and left it kinda chunky.
Then just mixed everything together (see my note about WWHSD? above). Don't go crazy with too much pesto. It's better to let the vegetables' flavors come through. Freshness personified. Dig it. It was super-easy, and it was fun to just reach into my bag o' CSA goodness, pull something out, and use it right then and there.

Oh. You know what else I'm reading right now? (Well, some of you do since you're now my goodreads friends. Holla!) Animal, Vegetable, Miracle: A Year of Food Life by Barbara Kingsolver (written with her husband and daughters). I just started it, but it's good. Like, good-good. I just read this utterly fascinating passage about asparagus. Check it out, folks.

And, I've said it before, and (I'm sure) I'll say it again: if you haven't yet read The Omnivore's Dilemma by Michael Pollan, what're you waiting for? It's fan-effing-tastic, is right up your alley (I think; if you're reading this blog), and completely blow-you-away fascinatingly amazing. Classic book club read it month before last, and we talked a little again about it last night. The part about the mushrooms? Woah. (what? you don't know the part about the mushrooms? yeah? well, read it! it's even out in paperback now! do it! it feels good!)

no rest for the wicked

Dang, it's been a busy few days. Or weeks. Or months. Something like that. Good busy for the most part, but still. But, now I have a minute to settle down with my breakfast (fage 0% total greek yogurt, a handful of blueberries and a drizzle of honey--yum) and write a little something in this here blog.

First of all I'd like to sing the praises of Fred's Eggs. You can occasionally find them at the co-op, and I'd been hearing about them for a while, but had never been lucky enough to be there at the precise moment when they had some in stock. That is, until last week. I heard someone freaking out (in a good way) in front of the dairy case, and went over to inspect. Fred's Eggs! I snatched up a dozen, and I'm so glad I did. These are the premiere eggs in this here township. They're from Araucana chickens--who happen to not only be cute, but to also lay really beautiful blue eggs. And, in addition to being just lovely, the eggs were super fresh and very rich. Everything I've made with them has showcased the brilliant orange yolks and have been full of deliciousness. That's what you get when chickens are allowed to be true to their chickeny nature (paraphrasing Joel Salatin in the narrative related by Michael Pollan in The Omnivores's Dilemma). By the way, if I can convince you to do one thing this year, it would be to read The Omnivore's Dilemma. Pollan is a fantastic writer, and he takes us through the history of four meals--one from industrial agriculture, one from industrial organic agriculture, one from local, sustainable "organic", and one that he hunts and forages himself. It's fascinating, and he examines these meals from every aspect. And, while he clearly has an agenda (he's become a superstar for slowfooders and the like), he's never preachy. He's not even a vegetarian, if you're worried about him convincing you away from your favorite foods. Read him. Do it. It feels great.

Okay. Anyway, I was talking about Fred's Eggs. See for yourself:


I've done just the littlest bit of cooking the past couple of days. On Monday evening I went to Classic Book Club. I'd been on hiatus for, like, a year, and it was my first meeting back. Guess what we discussed? Ding! Ding! Ding! The Omnivore's Dilemma. I read it back in March, and was all fired up then, and now I'm all a-fire with love for it again. Since I knew it was going to be a snack-a-thon (it was), I just made a snack to take, and went hungry. I made my white bean dip again, but this time made a basil oil dressing to drizzle over it. It's easy as pie.

White Bean Dip

-some cooked white beans (I used white navy beans, soaked them overnight, and cooked them for about 50 minutes with a piece of kombu) - about 3-4 cups
-2 cloves garlic
-1 T. olive oil
-a little of the reserved cooking liquid from the beans (or the can, if you're using canned) to thin the dip to the desired consistency
-sea salt, to taste

Put it in your food processor and puree. Voila! You can also serve this as a side dish like you'd serve mashed potatoes.

...

Basil Dressing
(I just really made this by mixing and tasting, mixing and tasting, so all the amounts are approximations)

-a big handful of basil leaves, washed and patted dry (probably about a closely packed cup)
-1/2 c. extra virgin olive oil
-the juice of two lemons
-1/4 c. freshly grated parmesan cheese
-1/4 c. toasted pine nuts
-sea salt and pepper to taste

So, it's just like a very thinned-out pesto sauce. Just puree it in a food processor, and just keep tasting until it's delish. Then I drizzled some on the bean dip (and have plenty leftover for salads), and served it with some sliced carrots and cucumbers.


And, last night I went over to my friend Emily's for dinner. She made possibly the best version I've ever had of Sesame Peanut Noodles (spicy-i-licious!), and we had a little white wine (contributed by the other guest, Susheela, who I met for the first time last night) and I brought dessert, a baked lemon custardy thing. I googled for the recipe, and I totally forget where I ended up finding it, so sorry I'm not crediting you, Random Person On The Internets. But, it was really easy and really tasty. I forgot to take a picture, and it's all long gone. But, here's the recipe:

Baked Lemon Custard

2 T. butter, softened
1 C. sugar
2 eggs, separated
1 1/2 T. flour
juice and grated zest of 1 1/2 lemons
2 C. evaporated milk
1 t. lemon extract

Cream butter and sugar. Stir in egg yolks, 1 at a time. Add flour, juice and zest. Add milk and lemon extract. Beat egg whites until stiff but not dry. Gently fold lemon mixture into egg whites. Pour into a buttered 10-inch pie plate.

Preheat oven to 325°F. Bake 1 hour until brown and firm. Let cool slightly. Consistency is between a custard and soufflé. Cut in wedges and serve warm. [ek note: it didn't really hold up in wedge-shapes, it was more like a blob. maybe if you chilled it first? but, it was so good warm.]

I forgot to bring lunch today, and my thoughts have turned to my faithful friend the java fried rice from Spice Island Tea House. I texted my friend Susie to try to talk her into going with me, but didn't hear back, and am thinking I might just hold out and maybe order it when I leave work, and pick it up on the way home. Except it's in the wrong direction since I need to go pick up my CSA, then go meet Ellen at the pool (unless it's thunderstorming then). Hmmm...should I just go now? I'm hungry thinking about it...