trying and failing

Okay, so it's January again. Last January I made the whole commitment to the HealthQuest 2007, lost 40 pounds, quit smoking, quit biting my fingernails, eliminated processed foods (for the most part), quit drinking Coke-in-a-can, started exercising, cleaned up my apartment, started getting my finances in order.

And, now? Well, some backsliding occurred on all fronts, friends. I've gained back 29 pounds (ouch, it hurts to type that), re-started smoking, my fingertips look like miniature bald-headed men, have been eating for shit and drinking Coke-in-a-can with abandon (damn the spicy and delicious dark waters of capitalism!), am a lazy ass, and have a cluttered apartment.

But, on the bright side, the finances are in slightly better shape and I have a new car. And, I'm a much better cook.

So, back to the drawing board. But, I'm thinking that maybe I should be a little more moderate in my approach instead of tackling everything at once. But, I'm having a hard time getting started. I obviously know what I need to do, so why aren't I doing it?

I think I'm mildly depressed right now, and when I think back to when everything started going to hell, I think it was around the same time as my awesome therapist split town for the wild, wild west.

So, step 1, find a new therapist that is hopefully 1/10th as awesome as my old one.

Blah. It's embarrassing to admit all this stuff, and I feel like a failure. Yuck. I hope you're all doing better than I am.

Okay, enough of that.

There's a movie coming to the Pittsburgh Filmmakers next week that sounds awesome and Pollan-esque. Here's the scoop:

King Corn
This is the entertaining, intelligent story of two friends, one acre of corn, and the subsidized crop that drives our fast-food nation. In this we-are-what-we-eat documentary we follow best friends from college on the east coast, as they move west to learn where food comes from. With the help of friendly neighbors, genetically modified seeds, and powerful herbicides, they plant and grow a bumper crop of America's most-productive, most-subsidized grain on one acre of Iowa soil. But when they try to follow their pile of corn into the food system, what they find raises troubling questions about how we eat, and how we farm. (Aaron Woolf; USA; 2007; 88 min)

All tickets for Thursday 5:30 shows at the Harris are just $5, thanks to 1410 KQV-AM.

Mon 1/14 thru Wed 1/16 – 7:30 ... Thu 1/17 –5:30, 7:30
Harris Theater
809 Liberty Ave, Downtown / 412-682-4111

And, speaking of Michael Pollan, his new book is out, In Defense of Food. I'm waiting with bated breath to get my copy from the library. [Oh, squee! Just checked the library site, and it's in! I'll pick it up tomorrow over lunch!]. Reading The Omnivore's Dilemma last year was a big part of motivating me to eat better; I'm hoping the new one will help me get back on track.

p.s. HealthQuest 2007 update & more growing (and shrinking!)

I got an email from my friend K. this morning, and she mentioned that she liked the "new horizons and old habits" blog from a couple weeks ago, and she took a step in shedding her shame and sent me her stats of starting weight/lowest weight/current weight/goal weight! Well, actually, I don't know what her shame-level is with that, but for me it was a HUGE step to put that info out there. And, it was just one more step in making my way towards a more genuine, honest and shame-free life. It brought a tear to my eye, as so many things do lately.

And, it reminded me that I have a good-news update! The scale finally moved again, and not up this time! I (re)lost three pounds! Yay! So:

My starting weight was 245.
My lowest weight was 205.
This morning I weighed 210.
My goal is 140.

And, with my confession this morning (see earlier blog from today), I literally feel lighter. Amazing.

And, speaking of tears brought to eyes, I just reconnected with a friend that I've been estranged from for a while. About a year and a half ago we had a little spat. I got my feelings hurt and took things pretty hard, and then made the incident into way more than it needed to be and held a grudge. But, then recently another in-common friend was telling me about that friend's wedding, and I started thinking about how silly the whole thing was and about how I'd made a pledge to myself after my dad's death to not to let that kind of shit rule my life anymore and about how I don't want to be a grudge-holder anymore, and then I came across her name on a website, and knew that it was a sign from the baby jesus that it was time for me to reach out and apologize and hope that she was happy to hear from me. So, I did. And, I got the warmest, sweetest email(s) back from her. And, we have a plan (actually, two plans) to meet up soon and reconnect and catch up on our lives. She sent me pictures from her wedding, and it was so genuinely sweet and I was so genuinely moved by her immediate acceptance of my apology and willingness to let bygones be bygones that I bawled like a baby. In a good way.

Wow. This has been a big week for me.

Phew. Okay. I'm tearing up again. So, how about a recipe?

I made this zucchini salad at the beach, and the gals went wild for it. So, here's the original recipe and my notes below for the changes I made:

Greek Zucchini Sald with Crumbled Feta
serves 6

Fresh mint, feta cheese and zucchini are a favorite summer salad combination in small tavernas throughout the Greek Isles. for a more colorful salad, use one zucchini and one yellow squash.

3 T. lemon juice
2. t. grated lemon zest
1 clove garlic, minced (about 1 t.)
1/2 c. olive oil
2 medium zucchini, peeled into thin ribbons (about 4 c.)
1 medium sweet onion, such as Vidalia or Walla Walla, thinly sliced (about 1 c.)
1/2 c. crumbled feta cheese
2 green onions, chopped (about 1/4 c.)
1 T. fresh mint
1 T. fresh parsley

Whisk together lemon juice, lemon zest and garlic in large serving bowl. Gradually whisk in oil. Season with salt and pepper. Add zucchini and onion, and toss to coat. Cover and marinate overnight, or up to 2 days. Sprinkle with feta, green onions, mint and parsley just before serving.

PER SERVING: 149 CAL; 3G PROT; 12G TOTAL FAT (3G SAT. FAT); 9G CARB; 11MG CHOL; 252MG SOD; 2G FIBER; 5G SUGARS.

Okay, so I changed this slightly based on what we had handy. I also only marinated it for about 4-5 hours, and I'm sure it'd be better with a longer time in the juice.
-I used both zucchini and yellow squash. I made the ribbons, but cut them at about 2-3" so it was easier to eat (although the picture with the really long ribbons looks really pretty).
-I used red onion because they're pretty.
-I used basil in place of the mint. I think it'd be good with all three--basil, parsley and mint.
-I didn't use green onions, but I totally would, and would cut on a very diagonal bias for ultimate prettiness.
-I used the dressing that I'd made up for the wheatberry salad--which is very similar (just adds orange and uses shallots instead of garlic), and I think is the best, most simple dressing ever. Also, I only used about a 1/4 c (plus about an extra tablespoon of lemon juice), because that was plenty to coat all the zucchini and onion without bogging in down in oil. So, the fat content is about half what is listed above.:

citrus dressing:
grated zest and juice of 1 orange
1 T. freshly squeezed lemon juice [I used the juice of 1 lemon]
1 T. minced shallot
1/2 c. extra-virgin olive oil
fine-grain sea salt and freshly ground black pepper