trying and failing

Okay, so it's January again. Last January I made the whole commitment to the HealthQuest 2007, lost 40 pounds, quit smoking, quit biting my fingernails, eliminated processed foods (for the most part), quit drinking Coke-in-a-can, started exercising, cleaned up my apartment, started getting my finances in order.

And, now? Well, some backsliding occurred on all fronts, friends. I've gained back 29 pounds (ouch, it hurts to type that), re-started smoking, my fingertips look like miniature bald-headed men, have been eating for shit and drinking Coke-in-a-can with abandon (damn the spicy and delicious dark waters of capitalism!), am a lazy ass, and have a cluttered apartment.

But, on the bright side, the finances are in slightly better shape and I have a new car. And, I'm a much better cook.

So, back to the drawing board. But, I'm thinking that maybe I should be a little more moderate in my approach instead of tackling everything at once. But, I'm having a hard time getting started. I obviously know what I need to do, so why aren't I doing it?

I think I'm mildly depressed right now, and when I think back to when everything started going to hell, I think it was around the same time as my awesome therapist split town for the wild, wild west.

So, step 1, find a new therapist that is hopefully 1/10th as awesome as my old one.

Blah. It's embarrassing to admit all this stuff, and I feel like a failure. Yuck. I hope you're all doing better than I am.

Okay, enough of that.

There's a movie coming to the Pittsburgh Filmmakers next week that sounds awesome and Pollan-esque. Here's the scoop:

King Corn
This is the entertaining, intelligent story of two friends, one acre of corn, and the subsidized crop that drives our fast-food nation. In this we-are-what-we-eat documentary we follow best friends from college on the east coast, as they move west to learn where food comes from. With the help of friendly neighbors, genetically modified seeds, and powerful herbicides, they plant and grow a bumper crop of America's most-productive, most-subsidized grain on one acre of Iowa soil. But when they try to follow their pile of corn into the food system, what they find raises troubling questions about how we eat, and how we farm. (Aaron Woolf; USA; 2007; 88 min)

All tickets for Thursday 5:30 shows at the Harris are just $5, thanks to 1410 KQV-AM.

Mon 1/14 thru Wed 1/16 – 7:30 ... Thu 1/17 –5:30, 7:30
Harris Theater
809 Liberty Ave, Downtown / 412-682-4111

And, speaking of Michael Pollan, his new book is out, In Defense of Food. I'm waiting with bated breath to get my copy from the library. [Oh, squee! Just checked the library site, and it's in! I'll pick it up tomorrow over lunch!]. Reading The Omnivore's Dilemma last year was a big part of motivating me to eat better; I'm hoping the new one will help me get back on track.

guess who!

Guess who forgot their camera last night, and therefore was only able to take a couple crappy phone photos? I'll give you a hint. Her name rhymes with Behrrin Beenan.



I'll have to make it again. The crust was a very tasty vehicle for getting the tomatoes and basil into my gullet. I just went with the fresh slices instead of "Chef Mark"'s suggestion of lightly sauteeing the tomato slices. They were just super lovely as-is. Not that you can tell that from the photos...

There were also two fantastic homemade salsas at the book club. You can tell it's tomato season! And, a selection of dips, grape leaves, cupcakes, rice pudding, lots of wine and good times. I love book club! We read A.M. Homes's The Mistress's Daughter, a memoir of the author's experience in meeting her birth parents as an adult. Most of us felt kinda 'eh' about it, but several in the group had read her fiction, and described it as "great" and "creepy" and "disturbing". I like the sounds of that, so I have one of her novels, The End of Alice, on loan from the library right now. Along with...um...fourteen other books. Admittedly, I do have a bit of a problem when it comes to getting carried away with library books, but also I had a bunch of stuff reserved, and it just all happened to come in at once. And, I just got an email that another one is in! Eek!

The best part is that I have another book club meeting next week--"classic" book club. But, we, um, read The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. Not my choice! Not it! Actually, I shouldn't be overly hard on it because it is teen chick lit. I mean, for real. What can you expect? And, in that context, it was fine--just not something I'd normally want to read.

Are you on goodreads? The myspace equivalent for book nerds? Yes, I know I've mentioned this (a couple times) before. Get on. Be my friend. Let me evaluate you based on your choice of reading material. Doesn't that sound fun?!

In other news I'm still struggling. A lot. With smoking and eating and cleaning and just generally feeling motivated and not depressed. I'm not exactly sure why. I thought that confessing would make me feel better, and it did--temporarily, but then I just felt more pressure to be "good". Blah.